考上公職之後不是很喜歡 - 公職
By Ingrid
at 2014-06-12T19:12
at 2014-06-12T19:12
Table of Contents
小妹今年28歲 前段大學商學院學士
大學畢業後曾在銀行工作過一年 後來因為和小老闆不合而辭職
家人當時十分鼓吹我去考公職 今年年初考上初等考試 但目標是高考
但家人要我去報到先卡位
現在在中央單位上班 但是十分不喜歡現在的環境
雖然年屆30 但我卻是部門裡最年輕的新人 看著周遭的同事
自己心裡很強烈地不想自己的未來也跟這些人一樣
另外一方面因為七月的高考快到了 上班以後讀書時間被壓縮了
下班後心情也不是很好 整體讀書效率也下降了
心裡非常想逃離這樣的單位
有時會有種"與其初考進來 不如高考進來還比較甘願"
但想到最後都是進到公家單位 就會感到非常挫折
過去十幾年來用功讀書的努力好像化成泡影
會覺得那我當初拚死拚活拚高中大學 像個白癡一樣
想到這裡又會開始怨恨家人 為什麼要把我推向一個我根本就不喜歡的地方
國中高中一直叫我讀書讀書 一個禮拜看一次電視一小時就被念
父母自己也沒考公職 只是聽說考公職很穩定 就叫我去考
就跟考大學的時候一樣 明明分數可以上法律系
卻因為爸爸不爽台灣政治被法律人搞爛 而要我讀一個跟我的個性徹底不合的商科
到現在28歲 才來說什麼你決定要做什麼我都支持你
我的人生已經因為父母而浪費了多少
想起來就會怒火中燒
但回頭想想又會對有這樣想法的自己感到不齒 想到自己已經比人擁有很多了
為什麼還不知足 一方面怪父母 一方面又怪自己 我很痛苦
現在回想起以前銀行的工作 反而覺得當初和小老闆的不愉快根本不算什麼
心裡還比較喜歡以前在銀行的工作
心裡一直覺得很不甘心 但又不知道怎麼辦才好
有想過報考研究所 但又會被酸說你考不上 或者是你畢業以後也沒人會用你
有時候真的很想自我了斷 因為自己對於未來根本毫無期待
我現在沒男朋友 以後大概也不會有
因為生活的環境就那樣 充滿40.50.60.70歲的老人 也沒什麼認識異性的機會
下班之後一直想 這輩子 就這樣了嗎
我該怎麼辦才好? 該怎麼調整心態或做出改變?
每每想到自己最想做什麼 為什麼以前那麼用功讀書
目的好像就是"想賺大錢" 想靠學歷讓自己往上爬
但現在看起來 離這個目標是越來越遠了
自己獨身在異鄉 下班以後其實也沒什麼家人朋友
與其在公部門加班到死 領少少的薪水
不如在私部門加班到死 領多一點的薪水
大學畢業以後 對於結婚成家立業什麼的 其實已經死心了
因為對別人付出再多 也只是被當作傻瓜而已
我就自己一個人而已 為什麼必須追求穩定的生活?
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