Re: 英文自傳求批 - 職場

※ 引述《sz06060817 (rose)》之銘言：
My name is XXX. I'm currently at my third year at National Chiayi University.
Majored in Marketing and Tourism Management, I have a strong passion for social
media marketing.
I am a strongly people-oriented person.
I'm the coordinator of the Treasure Love Community, responsible for the
planning and execution of its events; I was put in charge of organinzing the
anual freshmen welcoming party and since I took the lead, we've successfully
doubled our team members.
: I served as a public relations role experience in writing and writing a c
: opy. I have an idea on planning a copy.
這段看不太懂在說什麼

Yet, despite my hectic school schedule, I also managed to participate in
several extracurricular activities including Foxconn's intership program for
94 student interns where we helped promote Asia Pacific Telecom and computers,
volunteering for the school dormitory, and working as a teaching assistant at
an English Institution.
I've learned a lot of interpersonal and time management skills through these
experiences and I'm willing to advance these skills in practice.
As for my passion for social media marketing, I regularly write product reviews
for UrCosme and My reviews on Instagram often receive lots of "loves".
I've won 得獎名次 in the 2018 Green Tourism Tour Planning and Design
Competition with my consumer attracting design concept.
I tried to practice English by listening to English broadcasts and scored 725
on TOEIC in 20xx.

While I am looking for a full time summer-internship, I will also be available
to continue working on a part-time basis in the next semester.
I will be more than happy to further discuss with you about my future schedule
for working as a part-timer at your company.
Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to discussing with you soon.
: 可以請大家幫我看看，並給予我建議嗎？謝謝

1. 裡面有些東西是我自己揣測亂加的
2. 可以想一下文章結構的問題，才不會導致一直都是以I am, I have開頭
3. 類似的經驗跟事蹟最好放在一起寫，並加入引言或總結
4. 如果不限字數，就把細節寫出來，例如得獎的設計理念是什麼，去鴻海實習做了什麼

加油，祝你應徵順利

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