英文自傳修改 - 工作

My name is Jimmy, and I come from Taipei. I graduated from China University of Technology School, and majored in Finance. There are 4 people in my family, including my father, my aunt, my sister and myself.
I am a introverted person, but I am a to learn on my own initiative. I ain't an intelligent person, hard work can make up for lack of talent, I will spend more ideas on the learning.
The my common interest is to play a computer game and ride bicycle and go to the movie, occasional
The period of the university passes in examination some financial related licenses, for the sake of in the days to come employment need, just I have never worked after the graduation remaining financial industry.But I understand the importance of investment and finance during the period of university, and in the contest that took part in finance planning during the days in the university, from a person worked the death needs of expenditure, take the salary income and the investment income as the fund that would expend in the future.
The first work after retiring from the army is a real estate broker, because I am an introverted person, I want to challenge myself, the agent is a rather multifarious human relations interaction industry, for reaching the business of house, we resort to extreme measures, any good words, ill, true words and leasing, in order to clinch a deal, I for want to say a heap of false words to customer's in front, really can not release a bosom, I finally leave this industry.
I want to find the work of non- business pattern, the financial industry mostly belongs to a business personnel, so I start looking for a not- financial work and have the friend as the employee of your company, inquiry behind know supported by proof just of message, seizes the opportunity to deliver a resume to your company, hope that the chance works at your company, I ain't an intelligent person, but I am a person who would like to put into mental exertion at the work.
已更新項目:
我的名字是JimmySun,我來自台北,我畢業於中國科技大學財務金融系，我的家庭成員有四人，包含我的父親、阿姨、姊姊以及我。
我是一個內向的人，但是我會主動去學習，勤能補拙，我會花更多心思在學習上。
我的興趣是玩電腦遊戲、騎腳踏車以及看電影，偶爾還會和朋友去打高爾夫球，只是我們還在學習階段，只能再練習場揮桿。台北堤防外的腳踏車道規劃的不錯，朋友有空就會相約騎腳踏出遊兼運動。
大學期間考取了一些金融相關證照，為了日後就業所需，只是畢業後我沒有從事金融業。但我在大學期間了解投資理財的重要，並於大學時參加了財務規畫的競賽，從一個人就業到死亡所需要的支出，以薪資收入以及投資收入做為未來支出的基金
2 個已更新項目:
退伍後的第一份工作是不動產經紀人，由於我是一個內向的人，我想要挑戰自己，仲介是一份人際互動相當頻繁的行業，為了達到房屋的買賣，我們無所不用其極，任何的好話、壞話、真話以及謊話，為了就是要成交，我對於要對客戶面前說一堆假話，實在無法釋懷，最後我離開這個行業。
我想要找一份非業務型態的工作，金融業大多屬於業務人員，所以我開始尋找非金融的工作，有朋友為貴公司的員工，詢問後得知有徵才的訊息，就把握機會向貴公司投遞履歷，希望有機會任職於貴公司，我不是一個聰明人，但我是一個願意投入心力於工作的人。
麻煩高手幫我做修改了，我英文很差。感謝各位！