新鮮人英文自傳求批(科技業) - 求職

※ 引述《qazwsx3659 (我好高)》之銘言：

大家好我是朗尼，剛剛吃飯滑到一半就看到這篇了，
沒什麼事情做來回一下

我也不敢說我改的絕對更好，但就是給個建議

前幾段太多Quotation mark了，建議你用顏色標記，
指強調最重要的科目一科即可
不然讀的人會不知道你要強掉的是哪個科目，什麼內容
這邊先幫你去掉，然後上色

: 個人學經歷背景：國立大學理工碩士
: 欲應徵之職務：製程工程師
: 自傳履歷內容：
: I graduated from XXX University with a bachelor’s degree in
: chemical engineering.
這邊建議你可以加入in什麼年，
看的人可以馬上反應出你畢業多久、
應該具備哪些能力、應該有什麼工作經驗等等
:I have a good command of Transport Phenomena”
幫你補個大寫

: and Chemical Engineering Laboratory. Transport Phenomena
reveals the
: foundations of fluid mechanics, heat and mass transfer.
三個以上選像前兩個用逗號吧
: On the other hand,
: Chemical Engineering Laboratory focuses on the interpretation of the
: observed physical phenomena using the theorems we’ve learned in Transport
: Phenomena. Whilst
正式書面語我們通常會用Whilst代替While
: learning the two subjects, I was trained to link physical
: scenarios to the corresponding scientific principles.
: Whilst taking Introduction to semiconductor processes in grad school, I
: realized that the manufacturing of semiconductors is highly relevant to the
: field of chemical engineering. 這邊不用定冠詞 Coating, photolithography and etching
: process contain details of diffusion, reaction kinetics, intrinsic properties
: of the chemicals, etc. Delicate control of the process is important for
: improving the yield. Therefore, I intend to apply my knowledge of chemical
: engineering to the semiconductor industry in the role of process engineer.
: I am equipped with logical thinking and problem solving skills owing to my
: research experience. I joined the “Biomimetic Membrane Interfacial Phenomena
: and Engineering Lab” in college and conducted a research project on the
: supported lipid bilayers solely. I was able to plan experimental procedures
: on my own, and to apply useful information in the literature to my
: experiment. In my master’s thesis project, I theoretically investigate the
不是很明白這邊theoretically investigate
想要表達的意思，
是要表達1.你研究出載體理論上可以行得通
還是要表達2.你的想法可以讓載體行得通但沒有執行？
1.的話是 I investigated the adhesive dynamics of a drag vehicle to membrance
surface in theory.
2.的話是 I am able to investigate the adhesive dynamics of a drag vehicle to
membrance surface.
: adhesive dynamics of a drag vehicle to membrane surface. Constructing my
: simulation model requires solid bases of fluid mechanics and computer
: programming skills. The ability to extract useful particulars from
: comprehensive literature survey is also necessary to arrive at a solution to
: a problem at logical steps.
: Besides academic research, I also have 這邊不用定冠詞 experience of leading staff of
: over 50 students as the vice co-ordinator of the orientation camp.
Staff還滿指工作上的雇員，如果是新生活動的話，這邊建議用members
: It
: makes me realize that communication is the key to an efficient collaboration.
: Disagreements are inevitable when working with other people as a team. I
: assemble a daily meeting to sort out the discrepancies via timely
: communication, and it is proven to effectively reduce the disputes.
: I can confidently say that I am ready for the position.
我真的真的真的很少看到有人用這麼自信的方式說明
我通常都是看到
I believe I am well ready for the position.
I believe I will fit this position well.
: The research
: experiences concrete my ability to use good judgement and logic in solving a
: problem. The teamwork experience allows me to improve my collaborative
: skills. Along with these experiences, I look forward to developing myself and
我知道這很怪，通常to後面加的都是原形，但look forward to +Ving是少數例外
: keep pace to the rapid renewal of this industry.
: _____________________________________________________________________________
: 因為英文文章的寫法跟中文不太一樣，所以沒有照著中文自傳翻譯
: 雖然檢查過很多次，中文自傳有提到的特質跟實例都盡可能寫進來了
: 但第一次寫英文自傳一定有很多地方需要改善
: 請各位前輩不吝指點，謝謝您的閱讀!

我是不知道你要應徵台灣的還是國外的公司
但是這個寫起來很像cover letter + curriculum vitae的格式

可能是其他部分沒有翻成英文
通篇讀完的感想是
好，我知道你在哪些學科有什麼應用
但我不知道你這個人的性格適不適合這個職位
沒看到文章內有說明團隊合作的能力，
只有看到領導能力
沒有看到你的抗壓性和對工作的熱誠

如果可以
1. 簡單的個性自我介紹
2. 簡單闡述為什麼想做這份工作
3. 舉例說明自己有問題解決能力
4. 簡單介紹自己工作規劃與能帶給公司什麼
會更好

希望你能參考參考
祝你求職順利
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