英文自傳請益~ - 職場

以下為個人意見，當然有可能自己見識不廣歡迎討論


: I am Mei.

這裡建議把自己英文名字全名打出來，畢竟名字叫做Mei的有成千上萬個
把全名打出來，看你自傳的人也才比較記得這篇是誰的自傳

: After graduating from Aletheia University, I applied for a
: master of economics in Ming Chuan University. My thesis examined the
: relationship between a firm size and R&D performance by utilizing
: Metafrontier model; and further, I adopted the Network DEA to provide
: managerial insight for enhancing performance.

這個部分建議直接把"敘述"的過程改成"結果"
你這邊提到你大學畢業以後跑去念研究所
而你的碩士論文題目是用Metafrontier model和DEA法來驗證公司規模和R&D績效的關係
以提供增進績效的管理意涵

Well, so what?
這邊對於看你自傳的人，心中就會出現一個疑問：這和你申請我這個工作有什麼關係?
你應該在這段求學經歷的部分，強調你和別的學生不一樣的地方
例如你參加了什麼商業競賽、擔任過什麼義工還是大使
或著是把你在寫論文過程中的"專業"展現出來
(eg. 資料蒐集、舉辦研討會行政、與大人物接洽等)
並且強調你最後產出的結果
(eg. 我這篇碩論最後被某某研討會接受並發表)
這樣比較會吸引人，不然你仔細再想一想你寫這一段的最後
是不是看不到「所以呢」這三個字?

以我個人來講，當初我寫碩論的時候剛好也接一個國科會計劃
所以我就在我的自傳裡面加上我做國科會計畫的背景
(eg. 專業國科會計畫申辦：從計畫書提案+簡報+資料分析+專家座談+結案報告全包^.<)
最後我的碩論也成功在科管年會上面有個小小的空間做"海報發表"
這就是我和別人不一樣的地方...
你一定也會有你和別人不一樣的地方，記得凸顯出來

: In terms of certificate received, I have got 7 financial professional
: credentials and scored 680 in the TOEIC exam since I studied in the
: university. Therefore, improving my foreign language competence will be
: regarded as one of my primary goals.

這邊的邏輯怪怪的
In terms of certificate received→這句話你是想要說"關於我拿到的證照"是吧?
恩....力量不太夠
或許可以改成：For my competence improving, I've been agressive for testing my
financial expertise, so I get 7 financial professional credentials, which
means that I've prepared for the real business world.

另外在improving my foreign language competence..
→你說改進你的語言能力是你其中一個的主要目標
一樣的情況，這和你申請這個工作有什麼關係?
應該是說你的TOEIC有680分，因此可以勝任普通的英文對話或是文書工作
要強調你過去成就所能夠帶來的「成果」，而不是敘述你過去的所作所為
(題外話，680分算是個尷尬的分數，建議你可以再挑戰到750分up)

: When serving as an professor's assistant in graduate school, I learned a
: sense of responsibility toward students, above all, those affairs of students
: relative to their term grade are required more careful. Due to this
: acquirement, I must ensure that client rights and interests will be my top
: priority.Besides, since I often had to think about supervisor’s requests in
: advance,the position allowed me to enhance not only aggressive attitude
: but also problem solving ability.

those affairs of students relative to their term grade are required more
careful.→句子有誤， ↑(要加上which are)

或許你是要表達those affairs of students "are" relative to their term grade,
so that I have to pay much more attention on it. (我需要更加注意這些事)

另外在I must ensure that...這段，不知道是不是我多想了
我看的感覺是：不過是當個助教，有那麼嚴重到要注意顧客的權利和利益嗎= =?
你也提到除了「顧客權益」之外，你必須在老闆的要求下取得平衡
可以換個方式講

When serving as a professor's assistant in graduate school, I had some real
working experience in college. For instance, since the scores are the top
concerns of my "clients"-students, so I must be as accurate as I can to
ensure everything will be exactly right. Futhermore, I have to take my "boss"
-the professor- into consideration, therefore I can serve both of students and
professor. All of these make me be an aggressive person and have very strong
problem solving ability.

: 最後會再加上幾句結語
: 請版友幫忙修改
: 感謝!

大概是這樣，個人淺見
加油!!!

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